This post is a follow-up to a post I wrote back in 2014. Back then, I explored my struggles with spending too much time at the computer and not enough on what I truly valued. More than ten years have passed since then, and I want to look back, reflect on what has changed, and acknowledge what has stayed the same.
In 2014, I wrote about the gap between how I wanted to spend my days and how I actually did. Back then, I noticed myself sinking into what I called a digital “swamp” - binging series, losing evenings to screens, and feeling stuck between my intentions and my actions.
It’s now more than a decade later, and while much has changed in my life, I still recognize many of the same struggles.
Leaving Academia and Changing Careers
After finishing my PhD and working as a PostDoc for some time, I moved from academia into private industry. My first job was still close to my academic field - bioinformatics - but later I shifted further away, into software engineering in the media sector. This transition had a big impact on my work-life balance.
The media industry, at least where I work now, feels far less academic in culture than my first private-sector job. The people around me seem to maintain healthier boundaries. Interestingly, I’ve noticed that colleagues with primarily academic backgrounds - PhDs and higher - often struggle more with work-life balance, even outside of academia.
At the same time, I’ve had to confront some of my own tendencies that make balance difficult. I am deeply perfectionistic, I commit myself 100% to goals, and I find it extremely difficult to not achieve something once I’ve set my mind to it. In software design, the “fail fast” principle is celebrated - test ideas quickly, discard what doesn’t work, and move on. For me, that mindset is hard to adopt. I tend to overinvest, sometimes long past the point when it would have been wiser to stop. This drive has served me at times - without it I probably never would have finished my PhD - but it also risks tipping me into unhealthy overcommitment.
Family Life and New Priorities
In 2017 and 2019, my two boys were born, and life changed completely. The demands of family life reshaped my days and priorities.
One clear consequence is that I lost the running habit I had built in my twenties. Back then, I would go running every other day, and it was a core part of how I stayed balanced. Over time, the habit slowly faded, replaced by increasingly bad excuses. Since then, I’ve struggled to bring it back. Every now and then I manage to go for a single run, but often several weeks pass in between. I do cycle more frequently these days - when picking up the kids from school or taking them to soccer practice - but it rarely feels like a real substitute. Running was more demanding, more exhausting in the good sense, and gave me a stronger sense of balance than the practical trips on the bike ever do.
At the same time, family life has filled much of my social bandwidth. I feel socially “saturated” at home, and as an introvert that often means I have little energy left for maintaining friendships. I regret how much these relationships have faded, but it is a reality I haven’t found a good solution for yet.
Persistent Struggles
Even with these changes in work and family life, I can’t say that much has changed since my 2014 post. I have periods where I manage better, but also long stretches where I feel stuck. The digital “swamp” is still very real - though instead of TV series, it’s now mostly YouTube and gaming. These habits are deeply entrenched and hard to replace.
Losing my running routine made this even harder. Back when I ran every other day, I had a built-in outlet for stress and a way to recharge. Without it, I often fall back into the easy comfort of screens. Cycling to pick up the kids or bring them to soccer practice helps me move, but it doesn’t give me the same sense of balance or release that running once did.
Part of this also ties into how I manage my energy as an introvert. Family life already fills me up socially, and I am easily overstimulated by noise and constant interaction. After a full day, I often retreat into digital spaces to recharge and enjoy some solitude. Too often, though, that “me time” turns into hours online. It provides quick relief, but rarely matches the deeper goals I wish to pursue - like writing, reading, or creating.
This tension also affects my friendships. Since becoming a parent, I’ve become much worse at maintaining them. After giving so much socially at home, I often have little left for friends. Combined with the pull of digital habits, it becomes all too easy to retreat into the screen instead of choosing the slower, more effortful, but ultimately more fulfilling alternatives.
Possible Related Ideas for Future Reading
I haven’t read the following references yet, so I can’t say for sure how well they apply. But they could be related to the struggles I’ve described - so stay tuned for the next update … in 10 years - he he he:
On Workaholism and Perfectionism
Regulatory Focus Theory (Higgins, 1997): Describes how people pursue goals with either a “promotion” focus (striving for gains) or a “prevention” focus (avoiding losses). My tendency to overcommit and struggle to let go of projects might connect here.
Goal Disengagement and Reengagement (Wrosch et al., 2003): Research shows that the ability to let go of unattainable goals and reinvest in new ones is linked to better well-being. This is very close to the “fail fast” principle, which I often struggle to apply in practice.
Error Management and Growth Mindset (Frese & Keith, 2015; Dweck, 2006): Both highlight the importance of treating mistakes not as failures but as learning opportunities. This resonates with the fail fast idea and contrasts with my perfectionistic tendency to overinvest rather than move on.
On Digital Habits, Self-Regulation, and Introversion
Self-Discrepancy Theory (Higgins, 1987): Explores the gap between our “actual self” and “ideal self”. This might connect to the way my evenings often drift into YouTube or gaming rather than the creative or fulfilling activities I’d prefer.
Compensatory Internet Use Theory (Kardefelt-Winther, 2014): Suggests that people turn to the internet to cope with stress, loneliness, or unmet needs. This could relate to how I retreat into digital activities as a way of unwinding when I feel drained.
Person–Environment Fit Theory (Caplan, 1987): Focuses on the alignment between individual traits (like introversion) and environmental demands. This may help explain why I get easily overstimulated socially and then withdraw into digital alone-time.